>> The Switch
>> Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
>> The Other Guys
>> Salt
>> Inception
>> Cyrus
>> The Last Airbender
>> Grown Ups
>> Toy Story 3
>> The Human Centipede

Opening 9.10.10
>> Resident Evil: Afterlife (R) [trailer]
>> Bran Nue Dae (Limited) (Not Rated) [trailer]
>> Heartbreaker (Limited) (Not Rated) [trailer]
>> I'm Still Here (Limited) (Not Rated) [trailer]
>> Legendary (Limited) (PG-13) [trailer]
>> Lovely, Still (Limited) (PG) [trailer]
>> The Romantics (Limited) (PG-13)
>> The Virginity Hit (Limited) (R) [trailer]

Coming To DVD/Blu-Ray 9.7.10
>> Supernatural: The Complete Fifth Season [buy]
>> The Office: Season Six [buy]
>> Smallville: The Complete Ninth Season [buy]
>> Jillian Michaels: Shred-It With Weights [buy]
>> Criminal Minds: Fifth Season [buy]

Las Vegas: Satan Vacations Here
by Victoria Alexander
October 24, 2005

Madonna, Get Thee to a Hermitage, Lightworker’s Barbara and Steve Rother, U2’s Bono Is Our New Moses, Ra at Luxor, Andrew Dice Clay, George Knapp’s UFO Reports, Beacher’s Madhouse at Hard Rock Hotel, and more...

“If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said “No.” Margaret Smith

George Knapp’s UFO Reports. On October 28th, after CBS’s murky “Threshold,” CBS affiliate KLAS-TV’s George Knapp will begin a series of five weekly reports about the state of UFO’s in Las Vegas. I went with John on Thursday to Channel 8 KLAS-TV to watch some videos George had received from a Las Vegas resident. George interviewed John about Area 51, the Bigelow Utah Ranch, and the current state of UFO investigations.

Las Vegas will host The 3rd Annual UFO Crash Retrieval Conference on Friday, November 4th through Sunday, November 6th, 2005 at the Embassy Suites. Our old friends Jim Marrs and Roger Lier are featured speakers. Jim will talk about his new book but will not reveal the identity of his informant, Mr. X. (ufoconference.com)

Madonna, Get Thee to a Hermitage. The Material Girl herself, Madonna, has finally re-invented herself as a blowhard hypocrite. She now claims to be a strict disciplinarian to her children, a phony aristocratic English horsewoman, and a media analyst proclaiming “TV is trash.” She allows her daughter Lourdes to be photographed for magazines such as Vogue but not read them since newspapers and magazines are not allowed in her mansion. In Madonna’s new self-important titled, bad English documentary, “I’m Gonna Tell You A Secret,” she says: “The beast is the modern world that we live in! The material world. The physical world. The world of illusion that we think is real. We live for it, we're enslaved by it. And it will ultimately be our undoing." In the movie, Madonna warns how people "are going to go to Hell, if they don't turn from their wicked behavior."

Madonna, who is promoting the upcoming release of her new music CD, “Confessions on the Dance Floor,” also declares: "Most priests are gay."

My advice to Madonna (doesn’t she have a penthouse suite reserved in Hell already?) is to give away all her possessions to the poor and retreat to live the life of a sealed-up anchoress (for a decade at the least). She needs to repent (and stop annoying the rest of us with her babbling.) Perhaps then the world will listen to her. Right now, I’m begging you Madonna, please go away.

I would recommend that Madonna do her soul searching by visiting the anchoress cells attached to medieval churches in England. As anchorites (see below for a brief bios of two famous anchoresses)* did before her, Madonna would go through a burial service as she was walled in. She would be dead as far as the world was concerned. Madonna’s life would be spent in contemplation (unless we all signed a petition for her release).

Saint Bono of the Poor. U2’s Bono recently had lunch with President Bush in a private dining room off the Oval Office. Bono told Rolling Stone magazine in an interview before they dined that he had no fear of meeting Bush or any other world leader. Bono said: "They should be afraid, because they will be held accountable for what happened on their watch. I'm representing the poorest and the most vulnerable people. On a spiritual level, I have that with me. I'm throwing a punch, and the fist belongs to people who can't be in the room, whose rage, whose anger, whose hurt I represent. The moral force is way beyond mine, it's an argument that has much more weight than I have. So I'm not feeling nervous."

Bono is a mega-millionaire. Why not emulate St. Francis of Assisi and join the poor? How much of his U2 money does Bono distribute to the poor? Since Mother Theresa died, there’s a job opening in Calcutta. How many African AIDS patients does Bono personally tend to? Is Bono holding world leaders hostage with his rock star proselytizing?

Andrew Dice Clay Returns to Las Vegas. Andrew Dice Clay has come out of retirement and on Tuesday begins a 20-show run at the Luxor Hotel & Casino. Because my husband John is morally outraged by Mr. Clay and feels Mistress Karma would be taking down the names of those in attendance, he declined the Thursday night VIP Media event arranged by Las Vegas PR Guru Frank Lieberman.

The party started at Luxor’s gorgeous nightclub RA. Now that Las Vegas has become the Gentlemen’s Club Mecca, and every venue features barely dressed post-teen dominatrixes, RA has a new feature called “Exotique.” Since the hotels-casinos cannot – for the time being - open their own strip clubs, they have had to bump up the sexual content of their nightclubs.) “Exotique” has dancers showing off tiny fashion clothes, a female fire-eater and her leather-clad “slave,” and a wild dance by a terrific male performer in showgirl drag. One dancer, wearing only paint and glitter, fanned herself while another girl “touched up” her paint job while party patrons drank and ate shrimp.

Andrew Dice Clay made a “perp” walk through RA with an entourage of bodyguards. Frank called over a group of us female journalists, introduced Clay, and had photos taken. Clay was quite personable. Thanks to Frank, I was horrified to see I had been seated dead center in the fourth row. The lights were never lowered and I was sure those of us in the front would be targets. Thankfully, a gang of guys – who had obviously taken advantage of the free drinks at RA - started yelling at Dice.

You don’t stumble into an Andrew Dice Clay performance. All present knew the history: The MTV “banned for life” decree, the fake tears, the Howard Stern dust up, the failed movie career, and the lousy sitcom. All that nonsense is behind him now. The Diceman is back. Yes, he is rude and vulgar. He is even doing some of his Mother Goose rhymes (though not my favorite Little Boy Blue: “He needed the money.”) We were there to see if the Diceman was bitter to be back on the road doing standup. When the guys in my row started yelling at Dice, he went off his act and started calling the guy “Assholeface.” He never backed down. As an audience, we like to see how comedians handle drunken guys off the script, and this guy wouldn’t quit. After all, we were there to hear from Dice.

I’ve seen Dice twice before: once in New York City and again when he was at The Venetian a few years ago. His act has changed. He’s angry at us for what has happened to a culture obsessed with cell phones instead of sex. His act is for angry young men. His stage persona is still strictly misogynistic. Be warned: His act is all about the male sexual release.

Performances are 10 P.M. Tuesdays-Saturdays through Nov. 12. Tickets are $86.05 and can be purchased by calling 702-4900 or online. (Photo of “Exotique” by theflickchicks.com’s Steve Thorburn.)

“The Group’s” Spiritual Psychology. On Saturday I sat in on a seminar given by my friend Steve Rother and his team of spiritual advisors known as “The Group” at Chancellor Gardens on Lake Sahara. Steve and his wife Barbara recently moved to Las Vegas from California. Steve was a successful real estate contractor when he experienced a life-changing psychic conversion. I was anxious to meet “The Group” and see if any of them needed a human buddy (who wouldn’t be asking them for help with other people’s problems). Steve’s new book is “Spiritual Psychology.” On Saturday Steve covered the Twelve Primary Life Lessons as told to him by “The Group” and gave free two-minute readings. I took tons of notes and will now admit to being “Self-first” instead of “Self-ish.” And I will take an “Energy Inventory.” Steve and Barbara’s next Virtual Light Broadcast is October 29th. See their website, Lightworker.com, for a complete schedule of their international events.

Beacher’s Madhouse, Finally. You think its hard getting tickets to “O”? I had to tell Jeff Beacher, at the opening of TAO, that I couldn’t get a press table at his show’s opening. He told me to call him personally. Well, it fell to the sweet Director of VIP Services, Courtney Lefkowitz, and her assistant Lindsay Pavalko, to shepherd us in and seat us at a table. I told Courtney I couldn’t wait again for two hours outside being shoved around by the rabid mob and then standing in the back for the three hour show. Not that the show isn’t worth it – for the crowd gathered outside, waiting was the pre-show. The show is actually the after-party. Take that Ecstasy tab at home so by the time you hit Beacher’s you are ready to jump up and booty grind with one Beacher’s 70 “Babies Dancers.” Its girl-on-girl for hours. I was caressed by the lovely young lady sitting next to me. She was so demonstrative, I shouted to my husband I was planning a “run for it,” at the show’s end so I wouldn’t have to tongue kiss her goodnight. I told him to follow me without asking too many questions. She and her friends were going off to a Dave Navarro party. She gave me her phone number.

Beacher’s comedian Bret Ernst did his best screaming over the mob and once again host Pete Giovine got the crowd standing (which left me sitting down alone in my hard-won seat). The two synchronized silk ribbon aerialists were fantastic as was the ever dynamic show-stopper Leonid the Magnificent.

Moxie Crimefighter Jillette. Six foot six Penn Jillette is in Vegas Magazine with his four-month old daughter, Moxie Cimefighter. What is Moxie’s genetic chances? Oh, who cares? Moxie will have a college fund. Though Penn does not discuss his bondage room with Vegas Magazine, he did tell Radar Online that he and his wife Emily re-decorated it as a nursery. Down came the harness. Has Disney wallpaper replaced the leather walls? If we all stop going to the Penn & Teller shows, quit DVR-ing “Bullshit!”, and ignore Jillette’s new book, “How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker: The Wisdom of Dickie Richard, “ maybe he’ll release some home video from the bondage room.

*Saint Humilitas
Humility, born in 1226 in Faenza, Italy, decided that she needed even more discipline than the rules of her convent demanded. One of her relatives built her a cell against the wall of the church of Saint Apollinaris. A hole was cut into the wall, so that she could follow the services inside the church. Then she was bricked into her cell. Her spiritual welfare was in the care of Vallombrosan monks of Saint Crispin Abbey. Each day she ate only bread and water and sometimes a few herbs. She slept on her knees, her head resting against the wall. After 12 years of this life, she was persuaded to leave her cell by the master general of the Vallombrosan order, who begged her to become abbess of the first Vallombrosan convent. In spite of her heroic fasting and savagely austere life, she lived to be 80 years old.

Saint Dorothy of Montau
Now that she had become a widow, Dorothy was able to fulfill a dream she had long cherished of retiring from the world. In 1391, she went to Marienwerder where, after spending two years on probation, she became a recluse in the church of the Teutonic Knights. On May 2, 1393, she had herself walled up in a cell that measured 6' x 6' and was about 9' tall. Her cell had three windows: one opened to the sky, the second to a cemetery (and through which Dorothy also received food), and the third on to the altar of the church. As was often the custom, the Blessed Sacrament was exposed all day. However, the rigors of her mode of life, added to the severe austerities she practiced, soon broke her health and she died in May 1394, after living only a little more than a year in her cell. Dorothy was recognized as a visionary, prophetess, and miracle worker.

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