>> The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
>> Identity Thief
>> Gangster Squad
>> Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away
>> Lincoln
>> Zero Dark Thirty
>> Hitchcock
>> The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
>> Hyde Park on Hudson
>> Safety Not Guaranteed

Opening 5.10.13
>> The Great Gatsby (PG-13) [trailer]
>> Peeples (PG-13) [trailer]
>> Aftershock (Limited) (R) [trailer]
>> And Now a Word From Our Sponsor (Limited) (NR) [trailer]
>> Erased (Limited) (R) [trailer]
>> Sightseers (Limited) (NR) [trailer]
>> Venus and Serena (Limited) (PG-13) [trailer]

Coming To DVD/Blu-Ray 5.7.13
>> Safe Haven (2013) [buy]
>> Fringe: The Complete Fifth Season [buy]
>> Jack Reacher [buy]
>> Mama [buy]
>> Superman: Unbound [buy]

Las Vegas: Satan Vacations Here
by Victoria Alexander
March 12, 2012

Preserved Relic of Saint's Heart Stolen, Movie Review: Friends With Kids, On Death Row, Satan Abandons Rush Limbaugh, and more...

TDH is going on vacation – to Myanmar – and returns April 9, maybe...

Some people are malicious enough to think that if the devil were set at liberty and told to confine himself to Nevada Territory, he would...get homesick and go back to hell again. - Mark Twain, a Biography (Special thanks to TDH fan Rob Goald for this)

Preserved Relic of Saint Stolen. I made a tour of Rome's churches visiting the relics of saints. I have a shrine dedicated to first class relics of saints. (Photo of just a few from my collection of saint's relics. I also have a sliver of the True Cross. All have seals and accompanying Church documentation.)

Officials at Christ Church Cathedral in Dublin had its most precious relic, the preserved heart of St. Laurence O'Toole, patron saint of Dublin, stolen.

O'Toole's heart had been displayed in the cathedral since the 13th century. It was stored in a heart-shaped wooden box and secured in a small, square iron cage on the wall of a chapel dedicated to his memory. Last week someone cut through two bars, pried the cage loose, and made off with the relic.

"I am devastated that one of the treasured artifacts of the cathedral is stolen," said the Most Rev. Dermot Dunne, the cathedral's dean. "It has no economic value but it is a priceless treasure that links our present foundation with its founding father."

Nuala Kavanagh, the cathedral's director of operations, said whoever stole it appeared to have no interest in financial gain, since several nearby objects made of gold and other precious materials were not touched.

The relic was stolen because someone – who already has everything – wanted a priceless one-of-a-kind birthday gift. And, to boot, it's something that comes with an aura – it is said to have healing powers.

Ireland's churches have suffered a spate of such robberies of irreplaceable, but also hard to sell, religious artifacts.

Don't bother looking on eBay, this was a special order theft.

Last year three relics believed to be fragments of the cross used to crucify Jesus were stolen from Holy Cross Abbey in County Tipperary. Police safely recovered those relics in January but arrested nobody.

O'Toole was Dublin's archbishop from 1162 to 1180. He died aged 58 and on his death bed he was said to have declined to make a will, claiming not to have a penny to his name.

Pope Honorius III canonized O'Toole in 1225 on the weight of many claims of miracles at his original grave site. O'Toole's heart had been the last surviving part of his remains. His bones were re-interred in an English church yard in 1442 but were dug up and disappeared during the Protestant Reformation of the 16th century.

Not "disappeared" but stolen and sold piecemeal.

I highly recommend Furta Sacra, Thefts of Relics in the Central Middle Ages by Patrick J. Geary.

The great Saint Anthony of the Desert was buried somewhere in the Red Sea Mountains, in Egypt; at his request, two of his disciples secretly buried him so that his grave would not become an object of reverence.

Maybe Saint Anthony did not want his bones chopped up into little pieces and distributed all over the world as currency.

From the time of Charlemagne, it was obligatory that every altar contain a relic. Relics were believed to have healing powers. The heart of Saint O'Toole is a priceless treasure of great value. Let's face it – there are many Da Vincis and Michelangelos out there and possibly thirty-four, perhaps thirty-five, paintings by Johannes Vermeer, but only one heart of St. O'Toole.

The Sacred Relic of the tooth of Buddha (Buddh-dantya) is venerated in Sri Lanka.

Of all the treasures on display in the Topkapi Sarayi Müzesi in Istanbul, I was thrilled to have seen the right arm of John the Baptist. Why is such a magnificent relic of Christendom in an Islamic country's museum? John the Baptist is an important personage in Islam. He is Yahy?, the prophet preceding 'Is? (Jesus).

The right arm of John the Baptist in the Museum has a well-documented historical provenance.

The Museum also houses what are considered to be "the most sacred relics of the Muslim world": the cloak of the Prophet Muhammad, two swords, a bow, one tooth, a hair of his beard, his battle sabres, an autographed letter and other relics which are known as the Sacred Trusts. (Pictured: footprint of the Prophet Muhammad, may peace be with him)

Several other sacred objects are on display, such as The Staff of Moses (according to the length of the staff, Moses was quite short) and the turban of Joseph. The Sultan and his family were permitted entrance only once a year, on the 15th day of Ramadan, during the time when the palace was a residence. Now any visitor can see these items, although in very dim light to protect the relics.

On Death Row. The four-part documentary by Werner Herzog (pictured) began last Friday at 10 p.m. and continues to March 30 on Investigation Discovery channel. Herzog—the director of such classics as Fitzcarraldo, Aguirre: The Wrath of God, and Grizzly Man— has teamed up with Investigation Discovery to make a series out of his latest documentary, Into the Abyss.

Herzog's "On Death Row" premiered on Investigation Discovery on March 9th at 10PM. The four-part documentary continues through to March 30. At the start of each of the four segments of his documentary series, "On Death Row," Herzog puts his cards on the table: Although German and "a guest in this country," the director, "with all due respect," does not believe in capital punishment.

Movie Review: Friends With Kids. Written, directed, and starring Jennifer Westfeldt, this is her first foray into directing. Westfeldt became an indie star with KISSING JESSICA STEIN (2001), which she co-wrote with Heather Juergensen and directed by Charles Herman-Wurmfeld. Among the cast was Westfeldt's real-life boyfriend, Jon Hamm.

We all know what happened to Jon Hamm. He has become the sexiest man on TV playing seductive womanizer Don Draper on MAD MEN.

In FRIENDS WITH KIDS, Westfeldt has put together a group of very talented comedians to surround her character. But this is Westfeldt's movie and it is structured as a love letter to herself.

First time directors should not direct a movie starring themselves. Where is the objectivity? Where is the care given to the other actors and actresses? When you are directing yourself, who says: "Let's do another take" and "Show me more emotion." How about: "You're doing that Diane Keaton thing from ANNIE HALL again."

Aside to directors of rom-coms: Never hire an actress who has seen ANNIE HALL. Keaton's performance has tainted nearly every actress in a romantic comedy.

Westfeldt should have asked her friends to recommend a quick-witted co-writer. I was expecting some clever lines and an edgy movie. How about real life? Since Westfeldt is 41 years old and she and Hamm have not married or have children, FRIENDS WITH KIDS would have been more interesting if it were closer to the reality she knows.

Julie (Westfeldt) lives in the same building as her very best friend Jason (Adam Scott). Their circle of close friends includes two couples, Leslie (Maya Rudolph) and Alex (Chris O'Dowd) and Missy (Kristen Wiig) and Ben (Jon Hamm). Julie has no success with men but Jason is a hound dog - a one night stand sex magnet.

All four of Westfeldt's ensemble cast was in BRIDESMAIDS. Hamm and Wiig were sensational in their bedroom scenes. Wiig and her co-writer Annie Mumolo are genius.

Will there be a BRIDESMAIDS 2? The huge box office of BRIDESMAIDS makes a sequel inevitable, but Wiig has said she and writing partner Annie Mumolo are not going to do it. It has been rumored that Wiig was offended by the mere $100,000 bonus Universal gave all six principal cast members. BRIDESMAIDS was made for $32 million and grossed $288 million for Universal. Well, Universal must hold the rights to the title, sequels, and the characters since Universal has said it may do a sequel without Wiig and Mumolo! Universal is looking for writers.

Universal is looking for THE HANGOVER PART II numbers. The sequel's domestic total gross was $254,464,305.

But Westfeldt was not interested in following her friend Wiig's successful template. Julie is just so beautiful, kind and nurturing, her failure at finding the right man is questionable. Jason, on the other hand, is no Michael Fassbender.

Flash forward four years. Leslie and Alex are married with two children. Worn-out Leslie is a ballbuster. Alex is pussy-whipped. Worn-out Missy and Ben are married, have a child, and do not have wild sex like they had before they married. Julie and Jason look at them with horror. Yet, Julie wants a baby – her grandfather clock is ticking loud – so she asks Jason to impregnate her. They will raise the child jointly and remain best friends without any emotional or sexual commitment.

Thus, they will never become like Leslie and Alex or Missy and Ben.

You know what happens. We saw it in THE NEXT BEST THING and THE SWITCH. Julie, after years of no romantic prospects, meets hunky, wonderful Kurt (Edward Burns). Jason falls in lust for Broadway dancer Mary Jane (Megan Fox). All four couples go on a ski weekend and Jason and Ben get into a heated argument. They step outside their established characters and pound the table, bring out the swords and roll around on the floor. Ben then turns really ugly and verbally humiliates Missy. His is that tried and true complaint - no restaurant bathroom sex! They don't pick up a stripper for three-way sex anymore.

Julie was the pretty girl in the group, now MJ has the men's attention – she's younger, sexier, thinner, and on Broadway! Julie becomes jealous and suddenly realizes she is in love with Jason.

In a scene we have been waiting for, Julie declares her love to Jason. He looks astonished and says MJ is moving in with him. He goes one step too far – he tells Julie he is not sexually attracted to her. Saying that to a woman buries a man forever. He evaporates, he turns to dust.

Unfairly wounded Julie – she got what she wanted, a child without any commitment but now wants the guy - moves into a Brooklyn townhouse and begins to have a full, toy-filled life. No spoiler here – you know what happens.

Satan Abandons Rush Limbaugh. 'We Are Terminating Our Relationship with Rush Limbaugh': Satan. Radio Host Loses Longtime Sponsor.

Embattled radio host Rush Limbaugh suffered another major desertion today as he lost the support of one of his longtime sponsors, Satan. The usually reclusive Prince of Darkness announced his decision at a hastily called press conference in Columbus, Ohio, his unofficial headquarters on Earth.

"Due to remarks of his that we consider unacceptable, we are terminating our relationship with Rush Limbaugh," Satan said in a tersely worded statement.

According to one advisor to the Lord of Misrule, Satan had stuck by the radio host as long as possible but after he called a young woman a slut on the air Mr. Limbaugh had become "radioactive."

"After a certain point, the association with Rush became problematic for Satan's public image," the aide said. "We went through a similar thing last year with Rupert Murdoch."

Advertisers continued abandoning Mr. Limbaugh's program in droves today, including companies who had sponsored it for years, like the online dating site NaziMingle.com™.

(Thanks again to Rob Goald for sending TDH this highly fanciful story – but I happen to know for a fact that Rush already has a condo – though on a low floor - overlooking the Lake of Fire in Hell.)

---

If you would like to contact me about this column, or be included on my private distribution list for a weekly reminder, just email me at Masauu@aol.com.

The Devil's Hammer claims no credit for any images featured herein unless otherwise noted. All visual content is copyright to its respectful owners. The Devil's Hammer is in no way responsible for or has control of the content of any external web site links. Information on posted here may contain errors or inaccuracies; the column's writer does not make warranty as to the correctness or reliability of its content. If you own rights to any of the images, and do not wish them to appear in this column, please contact me via e-mail at Masauu@aol.com and they will be promptly removed.

>>The Devil's Hammer - Home